When other things fade away,
January 5, 2013
January 5, 2013
January 5, 2013
Bryan Taylor at the lake
January 5, 2013
I remember the flash of the night…
the crescendo of impulses
and their abrupt flight.
The sound of everything breathing,
the rush of our scheming,
and the calm of everything sleeping.
I remember the gains and the losses…
the stories told
and the finales that crushed us.
I remember the life that we had,
the brilliance of unity
and the way that time stood.
But I can’t remember the truth.
I’ve forgotten what was really me
and what was really you.
Did we walk away,
or did we run,
or did something pull us?
Time manages to sift through fear,
to speak to anger
and rebuild broken barriers.
And all of the things that can’t compare
It was and is.
Whether it was known or not.
There is no greater purpose for our life, than relationships. We were meant for them … built for them. Everything in us calls and cries and longs for them. Family, friendships, and romantic partners … these are what, truly, bring us the greatest joy.
If we ever feel a pull away from such things, or an aversion to the pursuit of them, most often, it is because we are afraid of something. And, usually, that fear is of being hurt (being left behind, unloved, betrayed, lied to, unvalued, etc.).
Whether we had bad examples in the past … parents that failed us, friends that disappointed us or lovers that hurt us … or we are afraid of such things happening in the future … there is always some kind of fear involved. And, to be honest, that may never go away.
You won’t always be able to get rid of fear. But, what you can change is your reaction to it.
Rather than responding to your fears with defensiveness, manipulation, withdrawal, avoidance, etc (the list goes on and on) … you have to, at some point, put a stake in the ground and decide whether or not the possibility of being hurt is worth the possibility of being loved beautifully.
We do this all of the time with other things. We are faced with risk or the possibility of failure when we pursue new jobs or hobbies or when we move to a new place or decide to try something we’ve never done. If we always responded to the fear in these situations by avoiding them … we would never succeed at anything. We wouldn’t grow creatively, we wouldn’t advance in our jobs, and we would become so, very stagnant. But, we are generally pretty comfortable with trying new things … even to the point of enjoying the “rush” of the fear.
Ultimately, in all of those situations, we are weighing the fear against the hope. Will it be more worth it to try and fail, than to not try at all? Usually, we say yes. And we give our best and we stick with it and we try and try again, editing and refining our efforts along the way. Does it always work out? Do we always become famous actors or business owners or successful musicians or Olympians or whatever? No. But do we regret trying? No.
Our desire and pursuit of healthy, thriving, fulfilling relationships should be no different. Yes … they may fail. And yes … you may get really hurt. But does it mean that you shouldn’t try and give your very best (and I mean actually try and actually give your best)? No.
The truth is, you can never know what will happen with a person or in a family or in a friendship. But, if you love them and desire their love, then you have to decide whether or not the success of that relationship is worth the possible heartbreak. If it is, then move forward, having completely laid to rest all remnants of your fear, like one who is full of hope and expectation <3
Avoiding love will not protect you from heartache. It will only change the way that heartache looks.
… and then, some days, a heart just hurts…
If I find you in these things,
does it meant that you are here with me?
We are the sea.
A congregation of community,
vast and pouring,
set along the lengths of longing…
a family in need.
Is this the sound of an angry child?
Tears beneath the moon…
words beneath the roots…
shame and what it really is,
beneath the weight of truth.
What is right has been reduced to feeling…
and, though our honesty is failing,
we’ve learned to rest in insincerity.
Oil into an ocean…
deceit amongst the hearts of these.
Death is always the same thing.
Always say what you need.
Silence should never be a reason for defeat.
I dreamed that I fell
into a river with a very strong pull.
The gaze of all the animals,
the cover of the moon,
the spirit’s cry of mourning
and the Earth’s call to ruin.
The nature of all things
but we’ve forgotten the truth…
and these bodies, meant for mothering,
are no longer bearing fruit.
We have every capability
but no resolve to move,
an ever-growing capacity
but no appetite for food.
We are our own worst enemy.
Love against disbelief.